Top signs you're a drunken bastard:/humble narrator

Top signs you're a drunken bastard:

* things i have done or beleve in:

You frequently urinate outdoors.*

You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half hour later you're afraid you won't.

You fall asleep taken a dump.

You believe that spilling a beer is Alcohol abuse.**********

You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.*

Find its easier to study drunk

You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center

Beer ads make sense.

You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet, and you are so dry that it sounds mighty thrist quenching.

You wake the next moring and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.

The space on your drivers license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".

You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.*

You need to take witnesses with you to confession because you can't exactly remember what you did and the priest wouldn't believe you anyway.*

You mix your coctails by the liter.

You grow a beard because it stops beer thats running down your chin.*

You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic zen like piss.

You wake up in the gutter, spit our several broken teeth, haul yourself to your feet, brush yourself off, and think "Shit, this is no way for a Bishop to behave..."

You explain to your bank manager that you speant your overdraft "mainly on beer and women; the rest I just wasted".

When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.************

You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect. *

You wake up the night after a party to put your clothes on and there aren't any.

You find yourself saying "Honesly occifer I only hads tree bears tonight!" while snickering at his funny hat.