answer to a question

someone asked me today why im still single. so here is the long version of a short answer if that makes sence....and im not joking about this but it might seem that way. fuck im going to sound like a puss after this! so here we go

ya i might seem and i do get a little depressed afer being almost 27 and having no serious relationships that i can speak of but it all comes i guess down to billie.we meet at college and it got to a point at on deck that people there thought we were going out. i once went there for fries and im not joking 3 people asked me where she was. wow she was good looking and with a kid that had something wrong with her im not sure right now what it is. and that didnt matter to me...if i can look someone in the eyes i now something is there, i think that the eyes are the window to the persons soul and i just dont like looking in peoples eyes...maybe i dont want to see inside their soul but more than likey i dont want people to look at mine...but anyway one night she took me back to her place and then things got a little friendly...then passes out on me....i went home and then she never talked to me again...i saw her at work and she gave me her number i think a total of 10 times..but each time i called to go tubing or something she never showed up.....so when i look at someone i think wow this would be good...but....i never think that im good enough..i know its sad and all but that the truth

and must we not forget that everone that i have told that i liked them dosnt talk to me again....ever.....we are talking one friend of mine is comming back for her bros wedding and when i found out that night i had a dream of him literally kicking my ass (nice visual i know but picture fight club where tylar gets his ass kicked and does nothing...it was like that but he says dont talk to my gf and i say the same stuff...fucked up i know)..but at least i learned one thing from that...dont send drunk email quoting nine inch nails "im drunk but right now im so in love with you" and if you do dont be that drunk that you have to reread the email and have to explain exactly what you were talking about and if you are serious....yes i do have feeling also.....i know it must be hard for most of yous out there to beleve it

so i guess here is the short version

me wanting someone....me realizing that im not good enough for her and if i do say something i have fears that ill never talk to them again no matter how good of friends i think we are....i guess right now im just happy with getting to know someone and just let it stay at that point...does that make sence?

that why im starting to go to the gym and starting to work out...maybe i can start to think im good enough...maybe if i tell people that i like them they will still talk to me.....and maybe just maybe a pig will fly out of my ass the next time i fart also.