Guy Rules

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
>2 . It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>(d) 1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The
>Crying Game".
>(e) When she is using her teeth.
>
>3 . Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
>and eaten by his buddies.
>
>4 . Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
>of jail within 12 hours.
>
>5 . If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
>forever unless you actually marry her.
>
>6 . Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
> forbidden..........However complain at will if the temperature is
> unsuitable.
>
>7 . No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
>man. ...In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
> optional. ....At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
>birthday boy's choice.
>
>8 . On
>a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
>
>9 . When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
>the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.
>
>10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her
>to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
>flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
>11 . It is permissible to drink a fruity alcoholic drink only when you're
>sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model.And
>only when it's free.
>
>12 . Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
>kick another guy in the nuts.
>
>13 . Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>14 . Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. .....Ever. ....Issue closed.
>
>15 . If a man's fly is down .............. that's his problem . you didn't
>see anything.
>
>16 . Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
>until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
>much as the other sports watchers.
>
>17 . A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
>sober enough to fight for her .
>
>18 . Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
> pizza. but never both, that's
>just greedy.
>
>19 . If you compliment a guy on his six-pack .......... you'd better
>be talking about his choice of beer.
>
>20 . Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
>yours except of course if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
>21 . Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights
>at the gym;
>(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
>22 . Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
>equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.
>For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
>conversation you need.
>
>23 . Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
>you are able to have sex with her. .........Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
>......Hang up if necessary.
>
>24 . The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
>carnal, drunken freaky monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
>guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
>discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
>
>25 . It is acceptable for you to drive her car. . It is not acceptable for
>her to drive yours.
>
>26 . Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green,
>orange or
>sky blue.
>
>27 . The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
>with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!". gets an Xbox. .......End
>of story.
>
>28 . There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
>. Ever.
>
>29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
>know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>definition of each is listed below.
>
>"GUTS" is
>arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your
>wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or
>are you flying somewhere?"
>"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
>and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>
>We hope this clears up any confusion.